Find your worth

Why we need to be more mindful about screens and children.

I recently posted about this topic on Instagram and I got incredible responses.

I know this is something more people need to hear about.

So I have a confession to make.

I was so fortunate when my first baby was born to had been surrounded by people who introduced me to the Montessori, Waldorf and RIE approach towards parenting and learning.

Otherwise, I wouldn’t be parenting the way I am today.

Parenting the way I parent is something I am extremely proud of.

I am not perfect in any way, but I feel really good about it most of the time.

All of these approaches are gentle and respectful. They are all about the child and how they are born with the ability to grow and learn. You just have to give them the right environment.

One of the common ‘right environment’ in all 3 approaches is – NO SCREENS.

I will give a brief overview of what all 3 approaches say about screens and afterwards I will give more detailed reasons why screens should be delayed and limited.

What each approach says about screens

Montessori – Maria Montessori was an advocate for young children moving their bodies. The schools do not teach with screens at all. Montessori advises to wait to give screens until age 3. Some even until age 6. That is because their brains are rapidly growing and they need to be in the real world exploring and problem solving on their own. Not glued to a screen.

RIE – Magda Gerber advised to delay screen time until children were 6 years old. Then closely monitoring afterwards. Children learn by connecting and interactions with their parents. By exploring and being able to move freely. There is nothing a television show will really teach a child. If anything, it negatively impacts them.

Waldorf – The Waldorf philosophy is the one who has the strictest rules. If your child attends a Waldorf school they do not want them to watch any type of screens at all. Not even at home. Far beyond when they are young. They believe it can negatively affect the health of children’s interactions and play.

Knowledge Is Power

The reason I bring this up is because I am so immersed in these environments that I forget not everyone is like that.

To the point that I got brought back to reality very recently.

We decided as a family to start going to a new church that everyone loves and has a great children’s program.

I dropped off both of my kids and off I went.

My daughter had never been dropped off like that before so after 20 minutes they asked me to come get her.

I was shocked by what I walked into.

They had the T.V. on for all of the toddlers and the babies. BABIES.

They were making them sit there and watch a story about the bible.

My jaw literally dropped.

I got my daughter Lucy out of there as fast as possible and decided I was going to bring it up next time I dropped her off.

To my disbelief, they said that ‘is just what it is.’ That is how they teach the children about the bible and that no parent have ever questioned it before because they just trust the process.

If Lucy wouldn’t have cried for us, I would’ve never known that she was given screens half of the time she was there.

Recommended screen time guidelines by the American Academy of Pediatrics

0-18 months: none. This just recently changed. It used to be until age 2.

18 months – 2 years: less than 1 hour co-watching with caregiver.

2- 5 years: 1 hour or less.

6-17 years: 2 hours or less.

At home I still follow the 0-2 years. There is literally no need to give children a screen until then.

Facetiming and your child getting glimpses does not count.

I understand parents sometimes need a minute. Especially when a child starts to walk. There are so many other creative ways to keep a child safe while you take a minute for yourself.

Scientific Studies

Many scientific studies on children and screens show what I have always believed to be true.

Screens have a negative impact on a child’s rapidly developing brain and eyes.

Which is contrary to the popular belief that educational shows can teach children what they learn simply from role modeling their caregivers, reading a book, or listening to songs.

Findings

Excessive screen time during infancy has been linked to delays in language, literacy, and self-regulation.

Studies show that increased screen time in young children is associated with:

• Decreased cognitive ability
• Impaired language development
• Autistic-like behavior such as hyperactivity, short attention span, irritability.
• Change of brain structure (negatively)
• Reduce melatonin production which leads to sleep problems
• Neurotransmitter deficiencies. Remember, neurotransmitters are chemical messengers that your body can’t live without. They enable the brain to provide a variety of functions.
• Eye fatigue: prolonged focus on screens lead to headaches, eye pain, feeling tired and losing interest in reading.
• Dry and irritated eyes from blinking significantly less. Which disrupts the healthy function of the tear film.
• Risk of myopia: nearsightedness

What We Can Do At Home

Keep screens at a minimum.

If at times you have to rely on it more, make it the exception, not the rule. Then follow it by reducing the other hours your child watches a screen to make up for it.

Do they really need an iPad? Why not just stick to watching T.V. as far away as possible.

Save the iPad for when traveling. Make it special.

Make meal times with no screens an absolute priority.

Keep screens away from bedrooms. Bedrooms should be for sleeping.

When going out to a restaurant, mentally prepare that you will probably have to find ways to entertain your child.

Be an advocate for your child. They do not need to watch T.V. at church, at the dentist, with babysitters. Especially not babysitters. You are paying them to play with your child and to keep them safe. If these babysitters can’t handle it, then find someone new.

The school one is a tricky one. I am lucky that my school prioritizes the child and no screens. Otherwise I would probably be emailing the administrators a lot or finding a different school.

When you are in the presence of your child, try to limit your screen time. Those texts and calls can wait.

Do you need the T.V. on all day? There is really no point to having the T.V. on as background noise. I have never understood this one. At my house I will make a serious exception during football season. With boundaries of course. It is not an all day affair that is for sure.

When you do give screens, do it in the afternoon. The morning is when they are full of energy and their brains are ready to learn. They don’t need to become zombies as soon as they wake up.

I am pretty strict when it comes to screens because I do believe we need more boundaries and rules with screens and children. They need to learn about balance and as long as they are little we get to protect their health.

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Are you ready to start living your life differently?

Tired of paying the price of all the stress and putting yourself and your health last?

There is a way out.

That other way out is through a health coach. Your own personal coach that will look at all areas of your life, to see how you can make changes.

Changes that will create long-lasting results.

These changes come from looking at nutrition, self-care, movement, and daily habits.

As your coach we will work on a step-by-step plan together on reaching all of your health goals and then leaving you empowered to continue making changes on your own.

If you are ready to start living well and say goodbye to the stress and burnout that has you surviving instead of thriving – contact me now.

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Let’s Chat

What are your thoughts on screens and children?

What do you do at home that works really well?

Help and spread the word. Share this blog post with someone you love.

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Life Update

I just came back from California and had some great conversations with incredible parents. They were giving me all the tips and tricks on how to raise teenagers.

One of my key takeaways was about being the host. You want to keep your children at your house.

That way you keep them close and they do not get into trouble. Especially during those times that they are learning about tricky subjects.

Which also got us into the conversation about sleepovers. Too many things happen during sleepovers. You want them at your house or none at all.

What are your thoughts on this?

One of my strengths is that I always prepare until the end. I want to know what my end goal is so that I plan accordingly. I also want to be mentally prepared for when things happen so they do not catch me off guard.

This is how I parent. I am setting up a foundation now because I know it will set them up for success in their adult years. So naturally I am always curious about different ways of parenting and the difference phases.

This is the beauty of meeting new people. Instead of gossiping or asking about their purchases, why not ask them about their life story. What has made them successful as parents. Everyone has a story to tell.

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See you next time!

Alejandra at Living Well Co.

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References

Donna Hermawati, Farid Agung Rahmadi, Tanjung Ayu Sumekar, and Tri Indah Winarni (2018). Early electronic screen exposure and autistic-like symptoms. doi: 10.5582/irdr.2018.01007

Joshua Foreman, Arief Tjitra Salim, Anitha Praveen, Dwight Fonseka, Daniel Shu Wei Ting, Prof Ming Guang Heng (2021). Association between digital smart device use and myopia: a systematic review and meta-analysis. DOI:https://doi.org/10.1016/S2589-7500(21)00135-7

How to communicate before you rage. Especially as a parent that has to keep it together, so we don’t lose it on the people we love the most.

To communicate before you rage means more harmony at home and with every relationship that you have.

Everyone feels angry sometimes.

It is part of being a human being. We’ve been taught that it is “naughty” to get angry.

We’ve been taught to suppress our anger.

Think about the messages that we have been given especially according to our gender.

Do the phrases “boy’s don’t cry” and “be a good girl” sound familiar?

No wonder so many of us are suffering.

We haven’t been taught a proper way to manage our anger that is a natural born emotion that will forever be with us.

One of the things I have been working on myself, that is a work in progress, is how to communicate before my anger becomes rage.

I am person that always sees the best in someone until proven otherwise.

I try to not jump to conclusions very quickly and try to give the benefit of the doubt.

After all, we are all human and we all make mistakes.

A pattern I am seeing though is that I let things go for too long. Then I get really angry about it.

Which is a fine line between giving people the benefit of the doubt and avoiding difficult conversations.

Having a difficult conversation can be really challenging. Especially if you grew up in a home where you didn’t have the space to communicate how you felt, at all.

You don’t want to disappoint others or you are scared of what might happen.

Yet those conversations is where you will find so much freedom. If done respectfully, calmly and objectively.

It is airing things out and making sure everyone is on the right page.

I know this is hard to hear, but It’s okay to disappoint people. If it is coming from a place of love. Read that again.

If someone makes a mistake once, okay great we move on.

If it is happening over and over and over again, then it is a pattern that needs to be addressed.

Remember, if you feel like a behavior is bothering you in your body, that is your intuition guiding you.

How to communicate before you rage

So how do you communicate before you rage and grow resentment towards the other person?

Here are a couple of steps you can take so that you feel more confident to have a difficult conversation. There is nothing to fear. You just have to keep it about the behavior not about who the person is.

The best way to have a conversation is when you are not emotionally charged. That way it can stay about the issue at hand.

1. What is the behavior that is bothering you?
2. Is the behavior that is bothering you, happening more than once? If yes, then it is time to prepare to communicate.
3. Where are you feeling it in your body?
4. Why is it bothering you? Dig deep on how you feel versus making it about the other person.
5. Ask yourself, what do you think is the positive intent behind this behavior?
6. Now, get really clear on how you respectfully and objectively want to communicate about the behavior. Not about the person. Avoid “don’t do x again” or “why would you do x” “I can’t believe you did x.”
7. How can I connect with this person before I correct? What am I grateful for?
8. After I connect, what question can I ask before I correct to give them a chance to explain their side?
9. How can I set expectations respectfully and end the conversation on a positive note?

Here is an example:

My husband tends to run late. I am a person that likes to be on time or even a little bit early.

Why? Because I want to get the most out of the experience and not waste my time or anyone else’s time. To me, time is money.

We are all different of course and that is perfectly okay.

I was avoiding saying anything to him about it because I didn’t want to cause a fight.

Yet, every time I was just waiting around for him with the kids, ready to go, my resentment grew deeper and deeper.

Still, I would shove the feeling of being very annoyed down and my excuse was that I didn’t want to cause a fight.

Then it was festering so much, I would start to make passive aggressive comments.

Which would THEN create fights.

I should’ve just nipped it in the bud after the second time he made us all late. It would’ve been a rational conversation vs a very emotional one because I then started to take it personal.

Looking back, here is what I should’ve done:

1. What is the behavior that is bothering you? My husband’s perpetual unpunctuality. Especially when it makes the whole family late.
2. Is the behavior that is bothering you, happening more than once? If yes, then it is time to prepare to communicate. Yes, multiple times.
3. Where are you feeling it in your body? I feel tightness in my chest. Meaning, this is my intuition telling me I need to address it.
4. Why is it bothering you? Dig deep on how you feel versus making it about the other person. It is bothering me because I do not like to be late. It doesn’t feel respectful for anyone. I did a lot of work to get us all to be ready on time. I don’t like to feel rushed because it creates stress. My children do not like to be rushed either because it causes them stress. Then it leads to us not having a good time.
5. Ask yourself, what do you think is the positive intent behind this behavior? This is hard because in my head there is no positive intent behind chronically being late! LOL. So I have to dig deeper and get uncomfortable. Positive intent is that he is very optimistic which is one of the reasons I love him. His spontaneity is probably another reason why he is unpunctual. His spontaneity is another reason why I love him and our marriage so much.
6. Now, get really clear on how you objectively want to communicate about the behavior. Not about who the person is. Avoid “don’t do x again” or “why would you do x” “I can’t believe you did x.” I am going to communicate about what I have noticed about punctuality and why being late disturbs my inner peace. It is very important to me.
7. How can I connect with this person before I correct? What am I grateful for? I can say “babe I love how much we do family events together especially on the weekends. It makes me feel so connected to you and the kids.”
8. After I connect, what question can I ask before I correct to give them a chance to explain their side? “Is there a reason, why when it comes to us leaving on time as a family, you are always doing things the minute before we leave and we have to wait on you?”
9. How can I set expectations respectfully and end the conversation on a positive note? “Do you think from now on you can start practicing more mindfulness around punctuality (notice I am making it about the behavior not who he is as a person)? I really appreciate being on time. Being rushed and late creates stress for everyone and I really would like to set us up for success.”

Listen, I know it is easier said then done.

Even though I know better, I still avoid to communicate before I rage because I think it is going to lead to a fight. I don’t want to disappoint. I am afraid.

When you do end up having a calm conversation like this one though, notice how much better you feel afterwards. It will bring you such a huge sense of relief. The tension will dissipate.

Again, your intuition will never steer you wrong. If a behavior disturbs you, pay attention. Do not dismiss it and think it will magically go away.

You will have more inner peace when you communicate before you rage.

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Are you ready to start living your life differently?

Tired of paying the price of all the stress and putting yourself and your health last?

There is a way out.

That other way out is through a health coach. Your own personal coach that will look at all areas of your life, to see how you can make changes.

Changes that will create long-lasting results.

These changes come from looking at nutrition, self-care, movement, and daily habits.

As your coach we will work on a step-by-step plan together on reaching all of your health goals and then leaving you empowered to continue making changes on your own.

If you are ready to start living well and say goodbye to the stress and burnout that has you surviving instead of thriving – contact me now.

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Let’s Chat

I have noticed that collectively, a lot of us, are having neck and back pain. Myself included. I don’t have an answer but it could be due to constantly being on our phones, computers and having the incorrect posture. Stress. Lifestyle choices.

This is what I am currently doing holistically to ease the pain. I refuse to do anything that is not holistic for pain:

Disclaimer: this is for educational and informational purposes only. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you read in this blog.

• Lots of stretching. I try not to hold a downward position with my neck for too long. Every 10 minutes I will roll my neck and shoulders around, up and down too.
• I have a posture corrector when I am sitting down for too long so I do not slouch for long periods of time.
• When I work in my office, I have a standing desk to be able to switch up my position.
• Yoga and Pilates to strengthen and stretch my muscles.
• Cryotherapy. If you live in Jacksonville, FL you should check out Degree Wellness. Mention that Alejandra at Living Well Co. sent you.
• Acupuncture if I have time
• I stopped going to the chiropractor because I felt dependent on it it versus getting to the root of the issue. It does quickly alleviate pain though if you need it.
• Continue to have a healthy lifestyle.
• I do believe that my breast implants have something to do with it. I know they are causing inflammation and weight. I cannot wait to get them removed and see if it does alleviate the pain.

Are you having neck and back pain? What do you think the root of the problem is?

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Life Update

Nothing new to report. We are just soaking up our kids everyday. Enjoying summer. Balancing being social with having quiet time at home doing house projects, puzzles and cooking.

Lately, I just have so much appreciation for my children. I really want to be as present as possible with them. They really do grow up so quick. They are just so pure, lovable and fun.

Whenever I am overwhelmed by the fact that everyone needs me at all times, at the same time, I say to myself “I am so grateful that they want to be with me imagine if it was the opposite.” Then all is well again 🙂

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I hope you enjoyed the topic on communicate before you rage! Don’t forget to come back every Friday for more.

Have a beautiful weekend,

Alejandra at Living Well Co.

10 things I learned while in Hawaii last week that made it to be the most magical trip to date.

Hawaii is magical of course but that wasn’t the reason why I found it so be so magical. It was magical because of my perspective. My state of mind.

I’ve been very privileged throughout my life and have had the opportunity to go on some really stellar trips. From seeing lions and giraffes in Africa, to hiking Machu Picchu, going to the rainforest with my children, dancing salsa under the stars in Cartagena, and now swimming and surfing with sea turtles in Hawaii.

I noticed this time in Hawaii, something was different. After much contemplation, I realized that the reason I enjoyed this trip so much was because I was feeling different. In the best way.

Therefore I was able to fully enjoy myself. Fully be present. Fully immerse myself in everything we were doing.

Coming back I feel so relaxed, stress free, and ready for the rest of the year. Ready for what is to come.

10 Things I Learned While In Hawaii

1. “Wherever you go, there you are” – Jon Kabat-Zinn. No matter what part of the world you go to, if you have internal turmoil, that turmoil will always follow you. It will not allow you to fully enjoy yourself and be present. Making you miss some of the most magical moments in your life. This doesn’t pertain to just vacationing somewhere really extraordinary. This is in your everyday life as well. We miss so many moments when we are not curious as to why we are not feeling good and growing.
2. Get curious about the people around you. Everyone has a different perspective. A different story that can really open up your mind to see things differently. At a dinner I sat down next to a woman who didn’t drink alcohol, like me. So naturally I got curious and came to find out that it was because she was Mormon. Instead of brushing it off or judging for no apparent reason, I decided to really immerse myself in the conversation with her. I was fully present, genuinely asking her questions about her life. I came out with such a different mindset towards the Mormon religion. It is actually quite beautiful and I could relate to so many things she had to say. I would’ve never had such a shift in my mindset if I would’ve just been there scrolling on my phone.
3. Life is 100% what you make of it. As cliché as that sounds, you can either decide to be miserable because you don’t want to do something or be somewhere, or you can take those moments as an opportunity to do something different and enjoy yourself.
4. We never know what we are fully capable of until we challenge ourselves. I found out I am pretty bad a** at surfing. Who knew. LOL. While in Hawaii, we challenged ourselves to do different excursions that we never really do. I’ve only taken one surfing class in my life. This time, being my second surfing lesson, I got up right away no problem, and rode the wave all the way to the end. It was like my body knew exactly what to do. Now, I can’t wait to go surfing again and to teach my kids too!
5. The food industry here in the states, or the mainland as they like to call it + our busy lives = recipe for a health disaster. On the second day we got to Maui, did the road to Hana. Which is essentially a 12-hour car ride because you are doing so many different stops along the way. We didn’t fully prepare with snacks, so without a plan, we were relying on the food that was available to us. Lo and behold, I was able to fully nourish my body. Why? Because they had so many health food stops along the way. Smoothies, fruits, vegetables, poke, homemade banana bread, you name it. It was the only thing that was available. Now, think about anytime you go on a road trip here in the U.S. The only thing that is available is gas station food, McDonalds, Chic-fil-a, Wendy’s, etc. No wonder our health is the way it is. If you want something convenient, you are getting fast food.
6. Many people want to feel better, but they just don’t know how to actually take action towards living a healthier lifestyle. It is a deeply ingrained habit that is really hard to break. They know they need to eat more nourishing foods. They know they need to exercise. Get more sleep. Stop drinking so much caffeine and alcohol. When it comes down to it though, they just don’t choose it. Insert <this is why you need a health coach to help you break those toxic habits>.
7. Stop taking life so seriously. It leads to burnout. It leads to feeling stuck and unhappy. Having fun is necessary for you to enjoy yourself and your family.
8. You have to prioritize mom and dad time. I can’t tell you how different my marriage is when we are on vacation. When there is no responsibility except waking up and enjoying each other. It is pure bliss and you remember why you married each other in the first place 😉
9. Doing outdoor activities is SO MUCH BETTER than going to the gym. I will always love yoga and Pilates but wow doing a challenging hike really sets your soul on fire. You challenge your body and your mind to see how far you can go. There’s nothing like making it to the top after working so hard and soaking it all in that you did it.
10. Sleep and rest is absolutely crucial to feeling and living well.

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Are you ready to start living your life differently?

Tired of paying the price of all the stress and putting yourself and your health last?

There is a way out.

That other way out is through a health coach. Your own personal coach that will look at all areas of your life, to see how you can make changes.

Changes that will create long-lasting results.

These changes come from looking at nutrition, self-care, movement, and daily habits.

As your coach we will work on a step-by-step plan together on reaching all of your health goals and then leaving you empowered to continue making changes on your own.

If you are ready to start living well and say goodbye to the stress and burnout that has you surviving instead of thriving – contact me now.

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Let’s Chat

How are you spending Father’s Day weekend? Shoutout to all of the fathers out there that put in the work at home!

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Life Update

I went to my first explant consultation this week. I AM BEYOND excited to get them out. At my initial consultation I found out that my implants have leaked. I chose saline so nothing to worry about there except now I really want them out ASAP. I do have to wait at least 3 months to do it because I just stopped breastfeeding and they want the inflammation and milk to settle before I go into surgery.

My target date is September. I do really believe these implants have contributed to fatigue and upper back/neck pain. I get tired very easily. I have tried to cut caffeine completely out of my life but after 30 days I always need to go back to 1 cup a day. I am incredibly lucky that I take care of myself and listen to my intuition so I have learned how to hack it but some days I can really struggle.

I am going to 2 other consultations next week to make sure I choose the right surgeon. I cannot wait to put that 20% deposit down and schedule a surgery day!

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Thanks for being here!

Alejandra at Living Well Co.